Trauma
by multicoloredmango
Summary: "This night was different somehow. Something foreign, something…dark took over my body. I could hear voices around me, but didn't listen to them. I snapped." A story in which Mikey experiences true rage.
1. Skin and Blood

**Back with a new story, and already attempting to write angst. What has gotten into me…Anywho, hope you all enjoy. I'm not sure if Mikey is totally in character, because first person POV is kinda hard. Tell me what you think! Thank you!**

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><p><em>Crack.<em>

The distinct sound of a bone breaking was all I could hear at that moment. And logically, I assumed it came from my own body. The Foot ninja we had been fighting for the past half-hour were getting restless; already, their numbers were dwindling, and in their desperation they decided to gang up on a single turtle. Namely, me. They must've recognized my awesome skills, right? At any rate, I was cornered, the Foot was cheating as usual, and my nun chucks, _my babies_, had been thrown to the floor of the rooftop. And then of course, one of the ninjas just had to pick them up.

Before I could defend myself, my own nun chucks crashed brutally into my head. Pain exploded behind my eyes, but I fought to keep my rigid stance. I couldn't even think straight. It barely registered that the ninja was aiming for me again. I flinched reflexively.

That was when I heard it. And I expected pain to come but all I could feel was a sort of numbness. My eyes snapped open and my brother's shell blocked my vision. _Donnie's_ _shell_. In an instant I knew what had happed—Don had protected me and got injured for it.

Though it might have only been because of the blow to the head I had just received, the world spun crazily around me. Sure, we had seen each other get hurt all the time, from fights like these to skateboarding accidents, you name it. I still had a few scars from protecting my brothers, too.

But this night was different somehow. Something foreign, something…_dark_ took over my body. I could hear voices around me, but didn't listen to them.

I snapped.

Crying out angrily, I sucker-punched the closest Foot ninja I could catch. My fist found his nose, and it broke upon impact. The next victim got a powerful kick to the stomach and he bowled into a couple more Foot. They collapsed in a heap several feet away. The ninja who stole my nun chucks was next and went down with a punch to the throat. I didn't bother to pick up my weapons. The fight continued for a few more minutes as I pummeled my way through the crowd of ninjas. Blood sprayed onto my face and hands, but I didn't care.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and twisted wildly, ready to knock out my new opponent. To my surprise, my raised hand was stopped.

"That's enough, Mikey."

I looked up in shock. It was Leo who had caught my fist. I gasped in sudden realization, whipping my head to where I last saw Don. He was kneeling on the ground, with Raph right beside him.

I turned back to Leo. "Is he—"

"—He's fine, it's just a broken wrist," Leo interrupted. He gave a small smile.

I put a trembling hand to my head and breathed out heavily. "Good…that's good." Now relaxed, I looked around the rooftop. Foot ninja were sprawled everywhere, all unconscious.

I felt Leo put a hand on my shoulder again. "Are you okay?" His voice was firm, expecting a serious answer.

I nodded. "Yeah. I just…got really mad."

"And I won't blame you for it," Leo said. He looked to where our brothers were and I did the same. We watched silently as Raph helped Don up.

As we all made our way back to the lair, I couldn't help but feel ashamed. "I'm really sorry, Donnie," I said again.

"I said it's okay," Don answered for probably the millionth time. "I'll be healed in no time."

I shook my head sullenly. "I know…" I whispered under my breath. I squeezed the shaking hands by my side harder.

When we finally made it to the lair, Don was swiftly escorted into his lab by Leo and Raph. I stood outside, knowing I wouldn't be of much help anyway. My hands would not cease their tremble no matter how much I wanted them to. And I made the mistake of looking at them. Their torn and bloody state triggered that same dark emotion I had felt earlier. That ruthless, wicked sensation bubbled up inside of me. I felt sick.

Raph suddenly exited the lab, closed the door, and came up next to me, frowning. "So what the shell happened to ya?"

I ignored his question and started walking to the bathroom. Raph fell into step behind my unsteady strides, past the kitchen and down the hall. I hastily flicked the bathroom light on with my arm as Raph leaned against the sink. I knelt before the toilet, lifted the seat, and threw up.

Raph was silent as I practically heaved out my guts, but as soon as I started coughing, he handed me a cup with water. I took it and washed the taste out gratefully.

As soon as I was done, I wiped my mouth and silently pushed Raph away from the sink and washed my bloodied hands. They were still shaking, and no matter how hard I scrubbed, no matter how clean my hands looked—they still continued to disturb me. I took no notice of the impatient grunt that came from behind.

"They're clean already, shell-head."

I had already stopped rubbing my hands by then and just held them over the running water. I still couldn't believe what I had just done. The fury that raided my body, the blows that destroyed my enemies, _their_ _skin_, _their blood…_and the evidence was on my hands. _I could still feel it._

Suddenly, a hand shot out and roughly pulled my hands away from the running water. I gasped in surprise and twisted my head to look up at Raph's scowling face.

"Mikey, what is wrong with ya?" he raged, his loud voice echoing throughout the small bathroom.

I winced at the sound but said nothing, deciding to stare at the water that dripped from my wet hands to the floor. I felt my anxiety spiraling out of control, and yet as much as I wanted to run out of there, my feet felt like they were cemented to the ground. And my hands continued to shake. I took them back from Raph with a strong jerk and held them to my chest, as if it would somehow stop their tremble.

"Mike, bro, answer me or somethin'."

Raph's voice sounded strained, and I could tell he was trying to be gentle—which, let's face it, was not an easy task for my hot-headed brother. But the only strength I was finally able to summon was used to run out of there as fast as I could, leaving behind an angry and confused Raph. I rushed straight to my room and jumped onto my bed, hoping that its soft, familiar comfort would ease my high-strung nerves. I prayed that my brothers would leave me alone for the rest of the night, _especially_ Donnie. I don't think that I'd be able to control that scary, sick feeling if I saw him right now. I hid myself under the covers and let out a shaky breath. My hands had ceased their tremor, but that repulsive feeling, that _vile_ sensation was still there. With a chocked sob, I started to cry in sickening self-pity. I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I know I had cried a long time before I did.


	2. Questions and Concerns

**And the story continues, yay! I hope you all enjoy. And review, if you can! It brings out my happy ;)**

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><p>When I woke up the next morning, I felt a little better. My hands didn't bother me anymore, at least. For a few minutes, I just stared at them, waiting for a sign that would prove my hands weren't as clean as they felt. But nothing changed. I let out a sigh and looked at the clock next to my bed. I was surprised to see it was already 10 o'clock. Morning training would have definitely finished by now, yet no one came to wake me up. Unless…did Raph tell Don and Leo about what had happened last night? I felt my anxiety rise again, and immediately got out of bed to see what was going on.<p>

I found my three brothers eating breakfast leisurely when I entered the kitchen. Straightaway they looked up at me, concern written all over their faces. That was definitely not a good sign. I couldn't help stay frozen in place under their stares.

"Why'd you guys let me sleep in?" I said, trying not to let my voice waver. I dreaded the answer, yet still needed to know the truth.

Raph cleared his throat. "I uh, told Leo 'an Donnie ya weren't feelin' well las' night."

Don nodded in response. "I thought it would be best to let you rest a little more."

"Oh…" was all I could say. I wasn't sure if my brothers' kindness was fishy or not, but I knew that worrying about it would be too much trouble at this point. I tried to relax a bit more and forced a wide smile. "Thanks, guys!"

"Looks like you're feeling better," Leo said, smiling back.

I nodded and went on to fixing my breakfast as casually as possible. The daily routine of mid-day ninjustu practice, chores, and TV watching came easy after that, and it wasn't until the evening that I started to think about what happened last night again. I stared blankly at the TV, not really watching anymore, lost in my own dark thoughts. Suddenly, I felt the couch dip a little, and broke out of my daze to face Raph. He was wearing one of those no-nonsense stares, and I knew I wouldn't be able to escape him if I didn't make a run for it now. He must've sensed me tense up, because next thing I knew, Raph was holding my wrists again tightly, his face inches away. His eyes bored holes through mine, and I swear to god, if I wasn't so freaked out I would've punched the daylights out of him. But I knew he meant business. Serious business.

Tired of the staring contest, I lowered my eyes to the floor in defeat. "What do you want?" I murmured softly.

"Don' ask me that, Mikey," Raph started in a gruff voice, finally pulling away from me. "'Cause ya already know the answer." He crossed his arms.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said. It was weird, being with Raph and not joking or yelling like our conversations usually panned out. I wondered if we had ever been this serious toward each other.

"Ain't gonna work, Mikey."

Well if he was gonna be stubborn, then I was too. "Leave me alone."

"No," came his firm answer.

I sighed and looked into his eyes pleadingly. This was my last chance. "Please," I begged. I didn't want to deal with this. I know I freaked out a little yesterday, but I could get over it on my own. No nosy brothers needed, especially hot-headed ones.

I could see Raph begin to waiver under my desperate expression. He let out a frustrated grunt and rubbed the back of his head. "Mikey…" he paused. I hoped he would leave it there, but of course, my turtle luck was not about to let me off the hook. "Ya make this even worse with that face a' yers."

Shell. Guess that plan backfired. "Wait, I just—"

"—Listen ta me!" Raph hissed fiercely, cutting me off. "I don' wanna see ya like this, all serious an' closed off. I can't…" Raph looked to the ground and back at me, struggling to voice his thoughts, "…I can't help but…worry about ya."

I blinked, completely caught off-guard. Raph actually admitted that he was…worried? Was the world coming to an end? Did I look _that_ bad last night? And should I tell Raph everything? Or does he already know? Was there any way to get out of this? More questions swirled wildly in my head, all unanswered. Out of nowhere, I heard Raph's voice calling my name.

"Mikey!"

I snapped open my eyes, briefly wondering why I would close them in the first place.

"Mikey!"

"W-what?" I answered finally. I flinched as Raph gripped my arm.

"What're ya tryin' ta do, scare the shell outta me?" he panted, out of breath from shouting my name so many times.

"I didn't mean to…" was all I could offer as a response. I didn't know what to do anymore.

Suddenly, Leo and Don entered the room noisily. "What's going on?" Leo asked. "We heard yelling—" he stopped when his eyes reached my face.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" Don exclaimed. He too, was looking at me, but I was in too much of a shock to tell what face I was making to have my brothers react like that.

Leo turned to Raph. "What happened?" he asked sharply, narrowing his eyes.

"Hey, don' always assume it's my fault!" Raph started to shout. He caught himself and turned back to me, squeezing my shoulder a bit. "Bro, 'm sorry, but I already tol' Leo an' Don about this. So ya gotta tell us what's wrong."

I froze, unable to think. I stiffly watched as Raph crouched down to see me at eye-level, but I didn't say anything. Or more like I couldn't. I was so panicky that the idea of speaking was a little beyond what I was comfortable with at the moment. I couldn't help but think how this was all started in the first place. Before I could stop it, a vivid memory of last night replayed in my head in all of its grotesque glory. And it was that unfortunate moment as I suddenly glanced at Donnie—who stood anxiously behind Leo—when I lost it.


	3. Lost and Found

**Whoops, why look at the time. Haven't updated this in a while and I finally have time to, yay! Hope you all enjoy and review. Depending on how I feel, I am probably going to write several more chapters for this story. Or I can leave it here if you're all satisfied with this. I guess it's your choice, really. **

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><p>Maybe I had been running for hours, or maybe it had been days instead. Maybe minutes. Maybe seconds. Maybe none of this was really happening at all. I could keep running and running, never getting anywhere.<p>

But I couldn't fool myself. With every step, I could feel the strain in my muscles, the burning ache in my lungs. Pain was real. Everything that had happened was real. And I could only try to run away from it. I was surprised I hadn't tripped yet, or even run into a wall, I was going so fast. The end of it however came all too soon. It was a dead end that had me stop abruptly in my tracks; I didn't have the strength to turn around in the opposite direction, so I slumped to the floor, chest heaving. I let my eyes close for a while as I just sat there, hunched over my knees.

Finally I had the nerve to look up and scanned the area listlessly. The underground sewer tunnels of New York weren't exactly the most comforting place to have an emotional breakdown, but I could at least enjoy the certainty that I was completely alone down here. Still, I wondered if my brothers had tried to follow me. As soon as they had gotten too close, I took off immediately, never looking back. I was pretty sure I swung a wild punch to Raph's shoulder to break away from his hold, but the details were a little fuzzy. I shook my head. It didn't really matter anyway.

I peered at my hands nervously, knowing what I would find. They were shaking, like they had the night before. But it was probably because I had just run an entire marathon through the sewers. And there was nothing abnormal about that, right?

Of course not. I was fine, I was just…I was just lying to myself. Yes, that it. That's exactly what I was doing.

I took a deep breath and let it out, trying to calm myself down. I didn't need to make a big deal out of this. I wasn't going to think about that feeling, or the sound of Donnie's wrist breaking, or how everything else blended into white noise as I ripped apart my enemies…

A chill went up my spine at that thought and I stood up swiftly. Alright, so this wasn't going to go away so easily. And I knew that standing in the middle of the sewers wasn't going to solve anything either. I considered what Raph had said earlier, before I ran away. Telling my brothers about it was probably the best thing to do—and now that I was calm, I felt a little embarrassed at how I responded in the first place.

Yep, Raph was definitely going to be mad. Joy.

I started walking back in the direction I had come from, hoping to find something familiar and let me know where I was. _Home_ sounded really great right now. A nice hot shower, some video games, a bag of my favorite chips—

"Mikey?"

I instantly spun around at the voice that echoed of the sewer walls. "Donnie!" I yelled, smiling widely as soon as I spotted him in the distance. Suddenly, Don was sprinting toward me and before I had time to react, he crashed into me with a tight hug that almost made me lose my balance. "Whoa, what the shell are—"

"—Mikey, we were so worried!" Don cut in loudly. He let me go and gave a hard stare to show how serious he was. "Don't take off like that again, okay?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I replied sincerely. "I just needed a little time to think. I'm okay now." My eyes caught sight of the stark white cast that was wrapped around my brother's wrist. I stepped forward and returned the hug gently, making sure to be careful. "Sorry."

Don sighed. "Apology accepted. On both counts." We separated and I stared at the floor sheepishly. Don always had a good sense of the underlying meanings of most things.

I found the courage to look up. "Let's go home. I'll tell you what happened."

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><p>I shifted again on the couch, a little self-conscious about sitting between Raph and Leo. Don was in a chair facing me. My mind started to wander as I realized that Don was talking and hastily tried to catch the last sentence, "—and therefore, you're not sure what triggered this."<p>

I nodded uncertainly. "Uh, yeah. I think."

Raph grunted in response. "Look, Donnie, ya don't haveta dig so deeply inta this." He gave a rough pat on my shoulder. "Mike's gonna be fine, he just freaked out a little. No biggie." I made a mental note to lay off the pranks on Raph for a week as I nodded vigorously in agreement.

"No biggie?" Don repeated, clearly frustrated. "There may be dangerous repercussions if we don't address this mental issue seriously." I shrank back into the cushioned seat.

"Wait," Leo spoke up. "I don't fully agree with Raph, but I also don't think Mikey is unstable."

"Um, bro? You know I'm—"

"—You can't know that for sure," Don interrupted, shaking his head. "It's under control now, but what if Mikey's compulsion—"

"—I'm still here, guys!" I shouted above Don's rising voice, shocking my three older brothers into silence. "I'm glad you all care about me, but you don't need to talk like I'm some baby who can't make his own decisions." I paused for a moment, letting it sink in. "And I've decided that if we all just carry on with our normal selves, I can move on."

Don cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, if that's what you want...then I guess I'm okay with it."

Leo gave a proud smile. "Agreed."

With that, Raph gave me another pat on the back. He got up from the couch and was about to head out when he stopped in mid-step. "Oh that's right. There's jus' one more thing." He turned back to me and socked me right in the arm.

"Ow!" I cried, more out of surprise than pain. I guess my memory was right; that was definitely revenge for my punch earlier. I rubbed my arm, pouting. "I'm starting to think _you're_ the most dangerous one here…"

"I second that," Don said as he and Leo chuckled lightly.

Raph smirked arrogantly. "Wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
